Where have you been??

I am sure I have not said before but I have not seen my father since I was like 8 years old, two years after my parents divorced.

My mother then told me when I was a teen he was dead.

So I mourned a man I did not know.

Then in my mid 20's I found out that the government gave children money when their parent passes away. I figured that since I was newly married with a baby we could use that money to put down on a house so I told my mother of my plans.

Incredibly my mother located my father just hours before I was to meet with people to start the procedure of Social Security sending me money.

Hmmm?? Seem a little funny to anybody else??

So for a few months my father and I spoke and wrote letters.

My mother then was sure that she was going to move right back into their marriage.

This was her soul mate.

(Umm if he is your sou lmate why are you divorced? Why would you tell everyone he was gay when he is not? Why would you let him go the first time??)

So she smothered him, or she tried.

He disappeared again from my life.

Ouch.

That hurt.

Abandoned by my father again.

So I just figured that was it. Two months was enough time with me for him.

Whatever.

I did meet my Aunt, his sister through this though.

I think she is great.

A little dingy, but so kind.

I love her!

I also met my other grandmother. 

My mother hates her.

Unfortunately, my grandmother who is a bit on the crazy side, passed away before I actually got the chance to physically meet her. I did get to correspond and speak with her on the phone though. That was nice.

Anyway I know he kept tabs on me through my Aunt.

She is just so supportive of my life.

Knowing that my mother does not like her very much, she would still always speak so kindly of her. She would inquire as to her health and happiness.

Just was very kind.

Even when I was aggravated with my mother she would encourage the relationship for my mother's sake.

Two weeks ago she asked if I had spoken with my mother yet.  I replied no and I did not see it happening in the foreseeable future. She sent me many hugs. She was sad for me that my life with my mother had not been wonderful. She wished she could have changed that for me.

See?

Sweet woman my Aunt.

Anyway, my 40th birthday was last week and I got a card in the mail from my father.

Grab your Bibles! The end of the world must be at hand!!

No seriously, it was just a generic birthday card.

Nothing special, not even the word daughter on it anywhere.

Yet it was signed, love Dad.

What am I supposed to do with that?

Pray.

Lots and lots of praying is what I did.

I called my Aunt to ask if she knew about it.

She said this year she had not even had the time to remind him that my birthday was coming. So this was all on his own. She also said not to feel bad or obligated to do anything. She recommended a jar of peanut butter and chocolate (my favorite feel better food) and to just know that he thought of me fondly.

With more questioning from me, I was obviously not going to let this slide past, she told me his health was poor and maybe that had been what had given him the idea to send the card to me. Maybe to make things right before he passes.

That made sense.

Now do I let him.

My son is reading Hero Tales. It is a book about missionaries. Some I have heard of, others I have not. We were reading about one of the missionary women who was very forgiving. She forgave wholeheartedly. My son then tells me "She sounds just like you Mom. You forgive everyone even when they don't deserve it. Wow! You could be a missionary."

Simple words that sounded like Jesus to my heart.

I forgive everyone...

but do I forgive him?

Do I let him hurt me again?

I know it is going to happen.

What would Jesus do?

Jesus would welcome him.

Jesus would let him come and then leave in peace.

I cannot ask the Lord to do this for me with all my many mistakes and not do the same for others.

As hard as this is, I am sending my father a small note today thanking him for my card.

I pray this will go well.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13